At last night’s talk at Deep Connections London we explored the concept of confidence.
People often think they have to work at it: to build their confidence so they can do the things they want but that is just an innocent misunderstanding of what is really going on.


It was evident yesterday when I was watching Andy Murray play at Wimbledon. One minute he was in flow: hitting beautiful shots that his opponent couldn’t reach; the next he was shouting at the box, expressing frustration at his mistakes; losing points.
Then, he made more mistakes.



When he is in top form, he seems unstoppable and yet he regularly gets in his own way.


Singles tennis is a very high tension sport: with the score being declared over the tannoy after every point; every intake of breath by the crowd can be heard by the players, their family, friends, the world is watching; there is noone to share the responsibility with; it is just you.
It is one of the best sports to see into the psychology and emotions of a human being under pressure: matches are won and lost from a single reaction that creates a chain of them: it can go either way and the crowds love them for it.


At it’s best, it is incredible to witness and I love to examine the dynamics at play.
Yesterday, it was obvious when Andy was criticising himself: we could see him shouting or grimacing and he was losing point after point. The other player was good but more often than not he didn’t win the point, Andy lost it.


Then, when he was getting behind, his resolve kicked in and he started to flow again.
He has the potential to be one of the greatest tennis players the world has ever seen and yet he still hasn’t let go of that petulant reaction that holds back his performance.
With regards to confidence: that isn’t really a ‘thing’.


What we perceive as confidence is simply being in flow.
The feeling of a lack of confidence is actually created through the active process of self criticism and doubt.
Our natural state is to do. We might make mistakes but then we adapt and keep doing; this is how we learned how to walk and talk. The dynamics are similar for anything else we want in life.


Doubting is a LEARNED behaviour!
If you want to feel confident, I recommend you PRACTICE THE ART OF BEING DOUBTLESS.
To do that, notice how


Your internal dialogue is your mind’s way of making suggestions: ideas of possibility, nothing more.
This awareness alone could help you change your relationship with life. You can go for what you want without ever needing to buy into this illusion that you need to build Confidence.


With Passion, Purpose and Love




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