Confidence: What is the big secret that most people don’t realise?
Do you want to know the big secret that most people don’t realise about confidence?
This secret comes in 2 parts:
1. It doesn’t exist.
Confidence is a lack of self doubt, a lack of fear, a lack of being self conscious. It is the absence of anxious feelings.
2. It is a result.
You cannot feel confident (the lack of those things) without doing something repeatedly until you become better.
I used to spend time trying to feel more confident but all it did was keep me stuck doing very little.
I used to use some NLP techniques to “create” confidence. It involved going back in my mind to a time when I felt confident and then using a physical trigger to anchor that feeling; something like squeezing my finger and thumb together or (what I preferred) breathing in a specific pattern.
Then, when I was in the situation where I wanted to feel more confident I would fire off the anchor (squeeze my finger and thumb or breath in the same pattern) and then that feeling would be created and I would have brought that feeling into the new situation.
If you want to do this, it is important that you create that trigger when you feel that good feeling STARTING to build inside of you. Then it becomes an escalating trigger. If you do it too late you lock in a feeling that gets smaller.
Now, I know many people who swear by this and for them it is enough. For me it felt like putting a band aid on a deep wound; it covered it up but it wasn’t long before the blood started to seep out and eventually I had to get out my needle and thread.
Now, instead of trying to overlay my feelings I simply fully embrace my fear (not always, but as much as possible); feel those anxious feelings, listen to the messages they are giving me and then act.
I now know that I can be very afraid and still do what I want to do anyway. I have done it many times over the past year and although it doesn’t feel any easier at the time I am able to do far more once I get going.
I experience fear as an essential part of my life and I never think in terms of feeling confident. I just do what I do and the more I do it the better I get.
The same is true for you.
What is one thing you don’t feel confident enough to do?
Another way to say it is:
What would you do if you had more self belief?
If you post your comment here, or message me directly, I will help you find your first step to making that happen.