Why do I still hold back from saying what I really think?
When I am at my best I say what I think and mean what I say, but at other times I am afraid of speaking out, of saying what I think, of getting it wrong. Something stops me and the words won’t get past my lips.
When that happens I feel less than I am; less than I could be.
This happened today on a coaching call. I knew what I wanted to say but instead I kept quiet. It felt really uncomfortable for me and I could feel his discomfort too; it was awkward. All it would have taken was a few words, but I didn’t say them.
I coach people on how to face their fear and live their passion every day and yet my own fears still catch me off guard; old patterns creep up on me.
At the end of the call I decided to ask a very painful question; I asked him about the unsaid thing; I told him what I felt I should have said at the time. He thought about it and it connected with him; that was the missing piece to our conversation. I screwed up by not asking at the time, but knew I could serve him and myself by speaking to it now.
I could have left it and hoped he wouldn’t notice, but as I am on a journey of continual growth for myself and as a coach I have to go to those places that I most fear; to say the things that others won’t say. (Damn it!!)
It was really hard, but I did the best I could for him by being open about my mistake and I learnt something that will help me coach at a deeper level.
Where are you holding back? What would you say if you didn’t care about consequences?